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Fine-tuned tender touch

I found this article and view interesting, reminding me of the boys vs girls social conditioning most of us go through in life ... summary below. Grace x

When young men reach a certain age sex is something very much on their minds “All men want is sex?”, but in an article by Jed Diamond Ph.D he believes there is something that is more important than sex. “Real men” want sex and if you don’t “come on” to a girl, you’re not a real man. We’ve all heard that women need to feel loved to have sex, but men need to have sex to feel loved. There is the physical pleasure, but there is a deeper need that is being satisfied. He refers to the need for a safe harbor.

The world of men is a world of competition and we make ourselves vulnerable to rejection. We strut our stuff and hope it’s good enough to get us chosen by the woman we go after. Getting taken into her body gives us a sense of peace and homecoming that goes way beyond simple sexual pleasure. We want someone who sees us for who we are, who wants our body, our heart and soul. We want the feeling of being nurtured that most of us didn’t get enough of when we were children. But admitting these needs makes us feel like little boys, not big strong men. It’s often difficult for women to give that kind of intimacy. Women have their own conditioning about men being men. If he doesn’t want sex, they worry that they may not be attractive enough. A man wanting to be held and nurtured triggers feelings that they are dealing with a boy, not a man. Women fear men who don’t feel manly, the most violent men are men who feel weak and powerless. Allowing ourselves to be as vulnerable as a child may be the manliest thing a man can do. For a woman, she must have a great deal of self-love and self-confidence to accept being a safe harbor and the strength to protect herself when his shame at being vulnerable turns to anxiety, anger, or depression. It isn’t easy for men and women to take these kinds of risks, but the payoff is a life-time of deepening love and intimacy.



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